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Day 15-Getting Pushed

November 15, 2013

I am thankful for getting pushed.

This takes many different forms, the largest one being the words I read and conversations I have with Curtis.  I write about being thankful for warmth and the following day read about acting on our gratitude.  Pushed.  I need to do more than just say I am thankful– I must live my gratitude.  Curtis and I talk about wanting to be more hospitable and open our house more, despite its (and our) imperfections and then in the middle of the video on Who God Is, we hear the speaker talking about being hospitable in Sunday School.  Pushed.  We need to open our house up more.  I read about bread in one book and then the book I check out of the library is all about bread and food and communion.  Pushed.  We are told to feed people by Jesus.  Bread is for everyone, not just those who appear to fit in our church “club.”

I read about bread and I reach for my Bread Baker’s Apprentice Cookbook by Peter Reinhart.  As I type I have a pate fermentee sitting on the counter waiting to be made into pain de campagne tomorrow.  Pushed.  I find myself trying new baking techniques and instructions in baking that I  have not done before.  The fear I felt as I poured water in the hot cast iron skillet in the bottom of my oven and squirted the walls of my 500 degrees oven with water was evident to my kids–all of whom I made leave the kitchen area as I draped a towel over the hot oven door window.

I am thankful that on my good days, I pay attention to those urgings and I notice them.  I make a loaf of bread, despite being terrified I’ll need to buy a new oven because I’ve shattered the window glass in the door, and it turns out to be the best bread I’ve made.  I shop for coats to show my gratitude for being warm and I hope a child in our city may be a little warmer this winter.  I stop and think about the words I read, not understanding where they are leading me and a little scared to find out.

When I am pushed, I may end up changed.  Change is scary, even if it’s the good kind.  Change is taking risks and meeting new people, building new relationships and sometimes I want to just be satisfied with enough, with all I have and who I am right now.

But I am called to be fully human.  Being fully human means growing and taking risks and building relationships and changing, no matter how scary it may be.  I want to grow.  So, I am thankful for being pushed.

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